Sometimes I wonder if it's all the same.

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Sometimes I wonder if it's all the same. Empty Sometimes I wonder if it's all the same.

Post by bittersweet. on Thu 17 Dec 2009, 4:46 am

The other day, I remembered this site.

I don't quite know how to describe my feelings about this place.
When I was banned from Mibba, I said it was my favorite pair of jeans; fits so perfectly I wear them every day, then they rip and end up at the back of the closet. But this site is more like a shirt I'm fond of; I love it and wear it often, until one day I realize that it doesn't look as good on me as I thought it did, that it doesn't exactly fit the way it's supposed to.

Now, more than ever, I feel like this site just doesn't fit correctly anymore.

That owes a lot to the past year.
In that time, I've been popular and hated. I've been cheated on multiple times by the same boy, who is currently my best friend. I dressed up as a mime for three days in a row and danced uninhibited in a parade and walked around a festival in my socks. My heart broke and was falsely hopeful. And now, my most closely-held secrets and my innermost thoughts are known by anyone who wishes to listen to the gossip at school.

Things change.
Situations are resolved and come about.
Endings and beginnings shape us.

Sometimes I think that walking out of the internet and into the real world is the best thing I've ever done. Online friends are awesome, but they just...they're online friends. They don't catch the subtleties of your own personal world; they don't understand how much you adore so-and-so, because they've never seen you with them; they just don't get it.

I needed to face reality. So I did.
It's disgusting, I grant you that. It's grainy and filthy and horrible and disgusting. But it's real. When you get death threats for doing what you believe is right, and you see them glaring across the cafeteria--that's real. When you see a childhood friend coming into school hungover--that's real. When, day by day, you have to face a boy who's been in love with you for a year, knowing you've hurt him--that's real.
It's not pretty. It's not neat and tidy. But it's real.

I don't know why I'm posting this. Maybe as an explanation. Maybe because I felt I needed a story.

Either way.
Thank you, iar, for what you were to me. I appreciate it.

bittersweet.
Red Scare

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Number of posts : 522
Age : 25
Location : your angel eyes.

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