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Insomniac.

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I am Revolution :: Words :: Poetry

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Post by quinn allman's hair. Mon 18 May 2009, 10:02 am

I am the insomniac.

I am the tears that touch the pillow
I am the vine around the willow;
I am the indifference in you heart
I am the tricks of which you were a part.

I am the embers that light the shadows
I am the lonely figure in the meadow;
I am the ache of your pain
I am the time you lost your way.

I am the scratch of the pen
I am the scene from back then;
I am the blinded eyes that see
I am the one you want to be.

I am the sleepless dreams
I am the nights that scream;
I am the childish bandaid on your cuts
I am the one that has no luck.

I am the smoke that burns your nose
I am the thorny black rose;
I am the depession of tomorrow
I am the years that will follow.

I am the darkness that ensues;
I am the truth.
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Post by LADIES AND GENTLEMEN Mon 18 May 2009, 5:17 pm

Wow. This was... wow. I love it.

I have a real thing for rhyming poetry. I guess it's because it's so hard to do well, so when someone pulls it off it makes me happy. And you definitely pulled it off.

I especially loved "I am the childish bandaid on your cuts". I probably pulled a different meaning from that than you had in mind when you wrote it, but it really struck a chord for me.

Very well done (:
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Post by quinn allman's hair. Mon 18 May 2009, 6:15 pm

i r pleased. Thanks Mikey!! -loves-

lol@chu I actually wrote it one night/morning when I couldn't sleep and i did have a Wiggles bandaid on a cut i got from work.

I'm not sure what it said for you , but I'm glad you liked it. you have pleased him -loves-
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Post by LADIES AND GENTLEMEN Mon 18 May 2009, 6:45 pm

To me it kind of... gave the impression of lost innocence. obviously in my mind the cuts were self inflicted, so it was like... you're trying to patch up the damage done by the childhood you never had?

I read too much into things hmmmm

but still; really good. you have pleased him
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Post by quinn allman's hair. Mon 18 May 2009, 6:51 pm

No! I think... you might be onto something. lol@chu

From what I can remember I was feeling pretty emo and reminiscent that night... whatnow? O_O
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Post by extraordinary machine. Mon 18 May 2009, 8:36 pm

Whoa. That gave me chills.
It's so dark and mysterious, but you word it so beautifully. I love it.
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Post by quinn allman's hair. Mon 18 May 2009, 8:47 pm

Thankyou! Insomniac. 42448

I think my crappy first person POV gives it some sort of added edge or something. Adds to the mystery...? whatnow? O_O
[/rant]
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Post by LightningRod Mon 18 May 2009, 9:26 pm

Hm.

this is a very interesting piece, giving something abstract such as Insomnia a voice and persona through the first person POV. Very good execution I must say i r pleased.

However there are a few quirks :/

Firstly, the lines about embers and the vine on the willow, are these more personal references [for example was there indeed a tree with a vine around it and a fireplace / fire somewhere near you] ? I just got slightly confused when I read those two lines, more so quirky out of place rather than intentional out of place.

Sorry, like I said, just a few quirks ,not saying your poem is crap.
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Post by Jack Skellington Tue 19 May 2009, 4:49 am

I love it. i r pleased. I am a fellow insomniac, so I digress.

nawwww i r pleased.
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Post by quinn allman's hair. Tue 19 May 2009, 11:13 am

Greg Graffin wrote:
Hm.

this is a very interesting piece, giving something abstract such as Insomnia a voice and persona through the first person POV. Very good execution I must say i r pleased.

However there are a few quirks :/

Firstly, the lines about embers and the vine on the willow, are these more personal references [for example was there indeed a tree with a vine around it and a fireplace / fire somewhere near you] ? I just got slightly confused when I read those two lines, more so quirky out of place rather than intentional out of place.

Sorry, like I said, just a few quirks ,not saying your poem is crap.

Not at all, Cosmo, thanks for your input you have pleased him
The way I see it, the line about "the vine around the willow" is the insomnia strangling the sufferer, as vines tend to do.
And the line "embers that light the shadows", well, I honestly have no idea what I was thinking at the time. It's actually got me quite confused right now myself LMFAOOO
Then again, there are alot of sides to insomnia, it's not just the inability to sleep, it's also what you're thinking of to take the edge off not being able to sleep. So maybe I was thinking of something that made me feel warm and fuzzy, thus the embers being the small amount of hope and light in a massive amount of darkness.
Or it could just be the one person awake when the world is dark?
I hope I've clarified it somewhat. Most likely though, I've just confused you more LMFAOOO LMFAOOO

Thanks Cosmo and Rita -loves-
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