A dawn of a new Eve (M)
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I am Revolution :: Words :: Stories :: Original Fiction
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A dawn of a new Eve (M)
by LightningRod Thu 12 Feb 2009, 5:21 pm
Well firstly here you go Isa, here's a bit of my original fiction 
Chapter 1 : Unstoppable
Shuddering and spluttering before hissing like boiling water, the van jerks momentarily. He had been through this before. “Bring on the smoke” he recites. On cue the mechanical guts spit out two charcoal streamers. However, his vigilant eye noticed a blue hue to the dancing smoke. [Dancing?] Why did he think it was dancing? That normally didn’t happen. Maybe Aunt Eve was right after all. Maybe he was “worthy of the loony bin” as she would say. No. He was not. She knew nothing. “It’s just some ‘armless dancers and coloured smoke” There it was again! Why did this keep happening? “Must be the country air gettin’ to me ‘ed.”, previously raised eyebrows resting back to their original position. An accelerator pedal is forced down by heavy boots. He was already half an hour late.
Much to Churchill’s disgust, the smoke had become bluer over time. Coming to a halt the van door swings open and almost back again but his anger got the better. Pipes and spare screws spill onto the van’s floor.
“Jus’ great.”
He’d deal with that later. Back to the matter in hand. The bonnet, been opened brutally is black with grease beneath. Mechanical expertise allows Churchill to identify the problem.
“The blinkin’ radiator’s gone”. The word “P…MBER” on top of the bonnet gains another bruise. Hands tarnished with oil and worn down by metal examine the radiator. He works quickly.
“My work here is done.”
The door swings open and then swings back again. The whole of the way this time.
Chapter 1 : Unstoppable
Shuddering and spluttering before hissing like boiling water, the van jerks momentarily. He had been through this before. “Bring on the smoke” he recites. On cue the mechanical guts spit out two charcoal streamers. However, his vigilant eye noticed a blue hue to the dancing smoke. [Dancing?] Why did he think it was dancing? That normally didn’t happen. Maybe Aunt Eve was right after all. Maybe he was “worthy of the loony bin” as she would say. No. He was not. She knew nothing. “It’s just some ‘armless dancers and coloured smoke” There it was again! Why did this keep happening? “Must be the country air gettin’ to me ‘ed.”, previously raised eyebrows resting back to their original position. An accelerator pedal is forced down by heavy boots. He was already half an hour late.
Much to Churchill’s disgust, the smoke had become bluer over time. Coming to a halt the van door swings open and almost back again but his anger got the better. Pipes and spare screws spill onto the van’s floor.
“Jus’ great.”
He’d deal with that later. Back to the matter in hand. The bonnet, been opened brutally is black with grease beneath. Mechanical expertise allows Churchill to identify the problem.
“The blinkin’ radiator’s gone”. The word “P…MBER” on top of the bonnet gains another bruise. Hands tarnished with oil and worn down by metal examine the radiator. He works quickly.
“My work here is done.”
The door swings open and then swings back again. The whole of the way this time.
Last edited by Matthew Lewis on Thu 12 Feb 2009, 5:31 pm; edited 4 times in total
LightningRod- Red Scare
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Number of posts : 601
Age : 33
Location : Anaheim, CA -
Re: A dawn of a new Eve (M)
by LightningRod Thu 12 Feb 2009, 5:25 pm
Chapter 2 : A Bad Omen
The tight rope of the country lanes unwind. Frequently it frays towards an isolated farm. Hurtling itself along this rope, the rust-tattooed van screeches. The previous routine gave it a renewed life. The constant shine in Churchill’s eye reveals it all. “One more thing outta the way”. The mist-cloaked hills lustrously tempt his eyes. There are Sirens in this place to be sure. The mist slowly rolls at the bottom. Churchill’s face slackens; Aunt Eve is the focus of his attention now.
Surely she can’t be right?
Dancing is a good thing. So why should thinking everything is dancing be a
bad thing?
“Yeah, it’s all good. I know I’m right. Why else is Eve dead yet I’m alive? Because she didn’t kno’ whut was whut.”
“Yeah”.
Twenty seconds was all that took.
A brown, speckled blur followed by a gracious display from the van. The front collapses whilst serenely landing back to earth is the rear end. The brown blur focuses and Churchill notices the…
LightningRod- Red Scare
-
Number of posts : 601
Age : 33
Location : Anaheim, CA -
Re: A dawn of a new Eve (M)
by LightningRod Thu 12 Feb 2009, 5:26 pm
Chapter 3 : Arthur annoyed
Oak doors bear a known majesty. This house belongs to none other than Duke Arthur Chevalier. Garden tools, accessories and more fill the walls of the hallway. Photos in carved frames of maple. Deep crimson fill any gaps. When asked for Royal Blue, “Definitely” was all that needed to be said. Chandeliers pour light towards the Persian rug. The mechanical snake of his boiler is feebly hissing and spewing steam. Anxiously Arthur looks at the grandfather clock. An antique. His grandfather’s actually. Half past eleven. He was an hour late…
“Who does he think he is, holding up my day? He’s probably lazing around in his van. Despicable.” Arthur glares up the road. “Oh! Lo and Behold! He has the cheek to be idle just up the road from my house!”
That was it. No one ever gets away with trying to pull the wool over Arthur’s eyes.
Never.
However, it seemed like it already had been, Arthur looks back through the window and sees the van on its side, the plumber slumped on the floor. Next to him a deer lies spread-eagled on the dirt track, another one rushes to its aid. He anxiously waits to see if the plumber rises. Much to Arthur’s pleasure he does. However he was still late.
Oak doors bear a known majesty. This house belongs to none other than Duke Arthur Chevalier. Garden tools, accessories and more fill the walls of the hallway. Photos in carved frames of maple. Deep crimson fill any gaps. When asked for Royal Blue, “Definitely” was all that needed to be said. Chandeliers pour light towards the Persian rug. The mechanical snake of his boiler is feebly hissing and spewing steam. Anxiously Arthur looks at the grandfather clock. An antique. His grandfather’s actually. Half past eleven. He was an hour late…
“Who does he think he is, holding up my day? He’s probably lazing around in his van. Despicable.” Arthur glares up the road. “Oh! Lo and Behold! He has the cheek to be idle just up the road from my house!”
That was it. No one ever gets away with trying to pull the wool over Arthur’s eyes.
Never.
However, it seemed like it already had been, Arthur looks back through the window and sees the van on its side, the plumber slumped on the floor. Next to him a deer lies spread-eagled on the dirt track, another one rushes to its aid. He anxiously waits to see if the plumber rises. Much to Arthur’s pleasure he does. However he was still late.
LightningRod- Red Scare
-
Number of posts : 601
Age : 33
Location : Anaheim, CA -
Re: A dawn of a new Eve (M)
by LightningRod Thu 12 Feb 2009, 5:28 pm
Chapter 4 : Is it a deer, is it a dwarf? No, it's EVE!
“Where’d the wretched beast go?”
The dirt track has an oddly intricate pattern around the van, made by Churchill’s scrabbling fingers. It had gone. Just like that. The van was on its left side, back doors wide open and chaos was inside.
“Why me eh?”
His pipes. His tools. Boilers askew. Spare parts. Everywhere. He slaps his head in despair.
“OW! Christ that hurt!”
The blood’s dry before he registers what has happened. He numbly reaches for his phone. But it’s not there.
Panic.
He spins around to look in the van and there stands a…
“Dwarf? Whut the ruddy hell is going on?”
Approximately five feet high stood a woman. She wears a scowl and her arms are crossed. Upon her head is a matted mess, bursting with leaves and blood.
“Yes. A dwarf. What on earth do you think you’re doing, driving a freaking tank?!”
The arms tighten. As does Churchill’s voice box. It all clicked. He knew he’d seen her before.
“What are you doing here? You’re meant to be dead for cryin’ out loud!”
Why was she here? Eve had died 3 years ago.
“Where’d the wretched beast go?”
The dirt track has an oddly intricate pattern around the van, made by Churchill’s scrabbling fingers. It had gone. Just like that. The van was on its left side, back doors wide open and chaos was inside.
“Why me eh?”
His pipes. His tools. Boilers askew. Spare parts. Everywhere. He slaps his head in despair.
“OW! Christ that hurt!”
The blood’s dry before he registers what has happened. He numbly reaches for his phone. But it’s not there.
Panic.
He spins around to look in the van and there stands a…
“Dwarf? Whut the ruddy hell is going on?”
Approximately five feet high stood a woman. She wears a scowl and her arms are crossed. Upon her head is a matted mess, bursting with leaves and blood.
“Yes. A dwarf. What on earth do you think you’re doing, driving a freaking tank?!”
The arms tighten. As does Churchill’s voice box. It all clicked. He knew he’d seen her before.
“What are you doing here? You’re meant to be dead for cryin’ out loud!”
Why was she here? Eve had died 3 years ago.
LightningRod- Red Scare
-
Number of posts : 601
Age : 33
Location : Anaheim, CA -
Re: A dawn of a new Eve (M)
by LightningRod Thu 12 Feb 2009, 5:30 pm
Chapter 5 : Like old times
Eve speaks, ending Churchill’s paralysis.
“Nice to meet you too.”
Like old times, his hands clench to fists.
“Don’t mock me”
“Don’t need to love. We both know yur worthy of the loony bin. Don’t we dear?”
“I said don’t”. His vein throbs.
“Look at you…talking to a bleedin’ deer!” “Ha!” “Who’s normal and talks to a deer like you do eh?”
That was it.
“GO AWAY! CURSED WOMAN! Get back down under there freak woman! YOU’RE worthy of the loony bin!”
“Freak woman? Freak woman? Just who do you think you are?!”
He grabs an isolated pipe.
She advances.
Eve speaks, ending Churchill’s paralysis.
“Nice to meet you too.”
Like old times, his hands clench to fists.
“Don’t mock me”
“Don’t need to love. We both know yur worthy of the loony bin. Don’t we dear?”
“I said don’t”. His vein throbs.
“Look at you…talking to a bleedin’ deer!” “Ha!” “Who’s normal and talks to a deer like you do eh?”
That was it.
“GO AWAY! CURSED WOMAN! Get back down under there freak woman! YOU’RE worthy of the loony bin!”
“Freak woman? Freak woman? Just who do you think you are?!”
He grabs an isolated pipe.
She advances.
LightningRod- Red Scare
-
Number of posts : 601
Age : 33
Location : Anaheim, CA -
Re: A dawn of a new Eve (M)
by LightningRod Thu 12 Feb 2009, 5:32 pm
Chapter 6 : Reality breaks
Churchill’s retreat was viewed by Arthur. He frowned. Why on Earth was his plumber shouting at a deer? And even worse, he was now running away from the deer, shouting something about it being in the “loony bin”.
“Ew. Such erm, vulgar phrasing.”
No matter how crude he should be the one in the “loony bin.”. And that’s when Arthur decided he could not, at all costs, let that man come in. Garden hoe in hand, Arthur braces himself. He could hear harsh breathing. Arms raised high…
He realises Eve’s gone. He immediately stops.
“There you are you bugger!”
The deer scampers off the road. Churchill checks his watch.
Just gone thirteen.
END OF STORY.
Churchill’s retreat was viewed by Arthur. He frowned. Why on Earth was his plumber shouting at a deer? And even worse, he was now running away from the deer, shouting something about it being in the “loony bin”.
“Ew. Such erm, vulgar phrasing.”
No matter how crude he should be the one in the “loony bin.”. And that’s when Arthur decided he could not, at all costs, let that man come in. Garden hoe in hand, Arthur braces himself. He could hear harsh breathing. Arms raised high…
He realises Eve’s gone. He immediately stops.
“There you are you bugger!”
The deer scampers off the road. Churchill checks his watch.
Just gone thirteen.
END OF STORY.
LightningRod- Red Scare
-
Number of posts : 601
Age : 33
Location : Anaheim, CA -
Re: A dawn of a new Eve (M)
by the way Thu 12 Feb 2009, 7:37 pm
I'm too spazzy to leave a decent review, but you got this whole.. description thing of yours DOWN.
It's so brilliant and gritty and unique to you. Like metal slashing against metal, what I'm thinking.
I only skimmed right now, and that's what I got. I'll read it later on maybe =D
It's so brilliant and gritty and unique to you. Like metal slashing against metal, what I'm thinking.
I only skimmed right now, and that's what I got. I'll read it later on maybe =D
the way- Red Scare
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Number of posts : 530
Age : 32 -
Re: A dawn of a new Eve (M)
by Jack Skellington Thu 12 Feb 2009, 8:43 pm
Woah, that's good. -applauds-
I totally got into his mind, thinking he was totally sane until you find out the dramatic irony to the whole thing- he's not.
I totally got into his mind, thinking he was totally sane until you find out the dramatic irony to the whole thing- he's not.
Jack Skellington- Crusader
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Number of posts : 3690
Age : 29
Location : The Wood Between Holidays -
I am Revolution :: Words :: Stories :: Original Fiction
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