Brother you're so foolish.

Let go, take my hand and trust in me.
I'm in love, can't you see?

I'm falling too fast. Both in and out and I just need some semblance of control.
Addie Addie Addie, I need you.

I love too hard, too fast. But I didn't ask for it. I didn't go up to you and ask you to release butterflies into my stomach and giggles into my chest. You didn't carry around spare looks in your pocket just for me. Or maybe you did, but I won't haunt myself with maybes.

At first, at first I couldn't believe it. At first I shrugged it off. Who me? No way man. No thanks. But then you had to be there, constantly. And I had to notice because you plagued me with smiles and arms and beautiful sounds. Your laughter still ring in my ears, I hear it. It was so addictive, love lust hormones does that to you.Wink blink wink blink and then I end up head over heels into you. Did you realise? Maybe you did. Maybe this whole thing was just some sort of game. I hope you had a good laugh, I hope you know now. I'm hurting on the inside. It was that well played.

You made me feel so alive, and pure and I felt so clean. Except that's not the word but I can't find it right now. I felt amazing. I felt invincible and even now, even now, just thinking about it, there's a fluttering in my heart, there's a million and one shockwaves running up and down my spine and I hope it isn't over. I hope you know that.

Except it is and maybe, maybe it was not meant to be. But it still hurts. It still burns when you kinda can't think about anything else. I feel so vulnerable and so confused because you barely look at me anymore but when you do, the fire from before still burns. I see it, bright and relentless in your eyes. But then again, maybe I was wearing rose coloured spectacles. Just maybe you know? You could pretty much be harking at how I stare at my bedroom walls and imagine your voice in my head, I wouldn't know. But I do.

You left me, and now I'm hiding behind fake hopes and false smiles. Because just the idea of your skin makes me melt. I cannot even, your fingers ghost over me every other minute. I need you. I need you because I love you. And its so hard for me to say that because you don't. You don't and it hurts. I want every part of your wrapped tightly around me. I want to keep you in my pocket, take you out whenever I need to hear soothing words whispered oh so delicately in my ear. But I can't have you. I can't have you now. Not when I was just another attachment in an email, not when all done is done and you go back to before me. I know that love. I know that.

How are you even real sweetheart? How are you real and oblivious? I don't have any romantic notions anymore. I wrote them all don so you can find it. You didn't ask for my emotional investment, I gave it without a question, without hesitation. The smiles, the secrets? They're all for you. My fear, my insecurities, you held them off for a while, but they have to catch up sometimes. And later was just not good enough.It's okay loves, I don't blame you. I could never, not when you still have a piece of me. Let me untangle myself from this. I'll pull away dear, but never too far till you forget me. You didn't lead me on. I did, and this is my closure. This is how I close my eyes and breathe out all of you. Except not really because I will breathe your air in, your scent and I will recognise your laughter from the rest. No matter how many tears form love, don't ever doubt I can't patch myself back together.

Sleep tight dear, this is my cue. These are my confessions. This is my love for you. The words are far too sparse and my heart is still full, my eyes still water and my throat's all choked up. I still love you. But I'll try to stop.

Yours Sincerely,
Emira

P.S When you close your eyes, I hope you still see me. I hope you remember the feel of my hand in yours, the way our knees press together. I hope your eyes seek out mine. I hope even after you leave, you'll come back. You'll come back so we can start this all over again.


The unrelenting beat of my heart wants to keep in time with yours.
The soft wisps of our hair tangle together in a mess atop hard wood.
Your eyes are electric and my heart's without insulation,
I need more.

EmmyEmmyEmmyEmmy, you're going to be okay. IAYSSSM, you are going to be okay.



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