what a goddamn shitshow.

by **gloria-** Mon 23 Feb 2009, 3:41 am

i used to love playing music.
i used to want to play.

i had a concert today.
the city i live in has a youth symphony, which has a group called 'chamber winds' which is for people who auditioned but didn't make it in to the real symphony.
and i'm in chamber winds because the youth symphony didn't need more flautists.
it's one of those, i'd be in the symphony if they had space for me, but they don't.
but...being in the chamber winds, everyone in the youth symphony is snotty at you because you didn't make it into the real symphony.
thanks very much, but i don't need you to be condescending.
for some people, yeah, they're in chamber winds because they're not good enough.
but not for me.
and besides that, do they really need to be condescending anyway?!
i mean, for fuck's sake.

it just makes me so angry and...
music used to be what i really loved to do.
now it just makes me want to cry.