Sorry IAR

I've neglected you guise a little bit this week.
Things just have been busy?
Well... i dont know what to write.
Normaly i can sit here being all melodramatic and complain about things, but seriously whats the fun in that?
Instead i can sit here saying nothing, it's like i dont know how to talk, except when im complaining.
Even now im still complaining about something. See what i meen?
I dont know, i just want a change.
Everything is so -diffrent from say a month ago.
Things are moving so fast, and i cant keep up. (see, complaining again.)
People i once knew have moved on, changed so much that i dont like who they have become. Since K they havnt been the same. I knew they would change cause of that but i still tried my hardest to not let it happen.
But life is out of my control.
Out of control completly.
I dont want to sound all "emo" here but, whats the point?
We are all going to die in the end.
Why waste the time trying to get somewere when you know how the story ends?
But still *think positive* thats what he said, so thats what i will try to do.
Who knows, it might start working finally.
Thats another thing, everything he said ARRRRRGH, they sound like good ideas. But putting thoes ideas into practice is far from easy. Again me being all emo upahead so if you are still reading you can just skip down a little if you want.
The ideas are fab. They could really help some people, but i dont think me. Maybe, after everything, something is just wrong in me. Well seriously look at me. Im not going to sit here blaming everything on what happend, its not an excuse for my current state but i cant belive everything he said.
He knew i was depressed, he knew i was suicidal. Of course he was going to praise me in hopes to raise my self-esteem.
Maybe i shouldnt have lied to them. maybe i should go on medication. Even if it does kill me inside again, isnt that better than what i am now? I dont belive in psychiatric medication, from past experiance it wasnt very pleasant. But - i dont know.
I dont even want to think about it. How can i even consider going there again? Even if he does think i should.
Im going to leave it here untill i completly talk myself down further.
Adios.