ignorethis. :) ty.

You broke all the promises that we made, lost all the maps and plans we had.
Nobody's going to see what we saw. We had something. It wasn't much, maybe it never really happened but I felt it anyway.
That's the thing I miss the most.
I walked into Hell everyday cause I knew you would be there to help me, to save me.
Now I'm stuck somewhere worse than Hell.
Worse than anything I could have imagined and now I'm stuck there. Without you to help me.
I go on and on and I'm sick of listening to myself. I want a day of peace. Were I can actually leave the house on my own and hang out.
It's been months since I've gone out, excluding band stuff.
Only one person, who I don't even really know all that well so I guess they just don't hate me yet, has asked to hang out. Even then I'm too afraid and say i can't. I'm too busy.. busy doing what? Sitting alone in this big empty house. That's really living.
I sit here and complain when this is all my fault anyway.
There is just nothing I can do. Well there probably is, I just can't see it I guess.
I can't help but to think if everything was different.
None of the terrible stuff happened and I was a functioning normal seventeen year old.
I would have friends and be at parties almost every night. Not just going to get drunk either, even though I know full well I was only invited out of pity in the first place.
When we were younger we would talk about moving in together, having jobs, money, being happy and we had our whole lives planned.
WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THAT?
I guess we never really believed it. It was just conversation to pass the long hours.
Look where I am now. All the people I know barely talk to me. I seriously wouldn't consider anyone a friend anymore.
Friends talk more than once a week. Well I guess that's going to change to. I probably wont talk to anyone again for a few months now hey?
Ohwell. I have the internet, music, books, of course my favorite TV shows to keep me occupied and maybe a job for a few more weeks until I give up on that too. It's just a matter of time, everybody knows it.
I'll be okay for a while.
I still have my memories to keep me safe.
I'll just hold onto them for a little bit longer.