Different

"Hey, Jan? Do you ever get the feeling that you're a little different from your friends?"

HA. ONLY, LIKE, HALF THE TIME.

"I think you're at least like three years above your friends, man. Your thinking and the way you think is like *raises hand above head* higher than theirs."

Those statements were made by the same person, but not on the same day. Not even in the same week, I think. They made me happy and sad at the same time.

I know I'm different. I'm very different. Maybe I'm just being egotistical and stuck up and elitist or something, but I honestly do believe that I am different from and maybe more mature than my friends. You know how I know?

Something to think about: someone older and more experienced will understand the viewpoint of someone younger and inexperienced, having thought that way before themselves, but the latter will rarely see where the former is coming from. And that's how it is with us sometimes, unfortunately. It's definitely isn't fun being the funsucker. I'm always the one seeing flaws in plans and stuff, and it sucks. I'm off the CF BOD in August, and someone told me via sms, 'we neeeeeddd you...'

I want to talk to Sze Li and possibly Timmy about this, but am afraid that I'll come off as some awful, stuck-up prick. Ugh. I guess I'll just post this on my blog and see what you all think.

I'm not an awful, stuck-up prick, I swear. At least, I don't think I am.

This is probably the reason why I've been single all my sixteen years of life (not that I really have a problem with it) -- no guy measures up. I mean, it's not like I want someone to sit around trying to find constellations in the night sky with while discussing the meaning of life, you know? Although, that does sound quite nice. You know, just lying/sitting and talking about life under the stars. Anyway. I want a guy with...substance, if that's a fitting word for it. I don't want a wading pool -- I want an Olympic-sized one.

I've been calling 'mature' a lot, but never really bought it till now. I hope this isn't some subconscious, desperate attempt to be 'special' and all that.

But I'm wondering, how did it come to this? My friends and I, we've all been alive and living for the same sixteen years, give or take a few months. What happened?

I'm a normal teenage girl, I swear. I just think a lot more, is all.