I didn't feel..

like clogging up the confession page with my crap.
So if you don't want to hear me rant turn to another page now.

I thought these were supposed to be the best years of your life?
When did I go wrong?
Apparently I took the wrong turn in this invisible road that has so many turn offs that is life.
I didn't have a fucking road map book. No one was around to ask for directions. I thought I would be okay.
People say "You'll turn out fine." all the time. They were wrong.
Look were I am now? Considering how far I'll have to go before I get something. Anything. From him. From anyone.
Sure every ones great. But it's not enough. Really it's just a few words when I say Hello!? I need someone to talk to like now plz, even then I sometimes get nothing.
I'm probably being selfish. Well, I'm %100 sure that I am. People have their own lives and problems to deal with. I understand that I respect that.
But where is the time for me?
I used to talk everyday and share almost everything, well everyone has their secrets. But I was as honest as I felt comfortable being. Those thing I lock away weren't always locked up. I told them to someone and look how that ended, I'm pretty sure everyone who knows me can guess were that comes from. T_T
But I wish there was even a little bit of effort. Okay, now I'm probably going to get hated on for saying that cause I hope people are making an effort. But tbh it's not enough. Not anymore.
There are these giant empty shoes I have following me. A hole once filled by someone who is just jkifbaewoighg (guess who?) and I know there is no way I can expect anyone else to fill them but I still do.
But to the first thought of this whole post.
I wonder how far I'll have to go to get him to do something.
I've been thinking about that a lot, but haven't come up with anything. Even if he did somehow magically hear about me. I'm pretty sure he would just shrug it off and forget about it. Even if he did say he cared about me, not in the way I wanted him to but it was still really good, I doubt he does.
I bet he didn't spend two seconds praying about me like he said he would. I liked that idea. I liked the idea he would be thinking about me, in any kind of way.
My psych once tried explaining my feelings for him. No idea how she even picked up on them I thought I hid them better than that, back then anyway. But yeah, apparently it was a whole "I want to be like you confused into an I love you sort-of-thing."
It just confused the crap out of me I still don't understand where she was coming from in an already confusing time.
Good work there. > _ >
I just want to talk to him so bad. Like properly talk. About actual stuff. Stuff I haven't told him before. The stuff that ruined two life, almost ruined atleast three-plus others, got me kicked out of high school and the whole story behind it.
But that's all just my stupid little dreams and things that I know won't happen. No matter how hard I try to pray or plead with idk who. Or even myself. I know it won't happen. Why should it? Why do I even deserve it?
Uggh,I'm tired now.
End of rant.