Written on hotel note paper

Sitting here in a hotel room, a stranger in my own country 'cause I don't speak the local lingo. I should learn to bring notebooks along for trips -- instead of my nice, big journal, I've been reduced to scribbling down my thoughts on hotel note paper using my thigh as a writing surface. One page is all of big enough for one paragraph.

I'm sitting by the window, looking out at the world thirteen storeys below. The lights are beautiful; they're mainly orange, but I see red, yellow, pink, green as well. Houses in neat rows, talltall buildings, flyovers, roads -- the city is still and moving at the same time. I watch the tiny toy cars and motorbike ants and wonder about the people in and on them. It's funny, isn't it? You could be just going merrily on your way somewhere and not realise that someone's thinking about you, wondering about you. Maybe even wanting to be you. Or just plain wanting you.

Owl City is the perfect soundtrack right now. I feel even more lonely when it gets to Vanilla Twilight, though. But I'm in a peaceful mood, and the loneliness doesn't bite so bad. Orange lights against an inky black sky makes me feel at peace with the world.

If you look out at the balcony where the lifts are, during the day, you can see the blue of the sea nearly blending with that of the sky. Still, I prefer the city night lights. I'm such a city kid.

Oh, no, it's Vanilla Twilight again. It's a really pretty song, don't get me wrong, It just kind of makes me want to have some special someone next to me so I can lean my increasingly heavy head on their shoulder. I feel slightly cold and very...alone.

I want a hug. ):

Owl City. I am in Owl City. It is inhabited by crazy insomniacs like myself. To be honest, I can't tell if I can't sleep or I won't let myself. Whichever it is, everything's getting fuzzy, and I will be writing crap from now on. I think I might fall asleep finally at this window.

I'm looking down and thinking what an incredible distance thirteen storeys is. What a mess there'd be if I just jumped or something. I'd go crashing through a roof of one of the houses below -- what awful shocks I'd give the residents. Oh, I'm not, you know, thinking of doing it. I'm just thinking about it.

I have so much to lose and there's still so much I haven't done. I say that, but I can't pinpoint anything for either one right now.

Who are all these people out and about, driving around at two a.m.? Why aren't they at home in bed, asleep?

Y'know, I keep thinking about that night at camp, during that hoax that the facilitators set up. I remember his voice and the way he spoke, because it was the most vulnerable I'd ever seen him. He always seems so...upright and emotionless, you know? I like seeing people with their guard down. It's nice to be reminded of the human in us all.