ngl, I totally love Justin Timberlake.

So there's a couple things that have impeded me from posting ANYTHING over the past two weeks- homework, my addiction to spider solitaire and The Office, and my loneliness. And yes, in case you were wondering, this IS a bitchy journal! Welcome to freshie year.

Obviously I have like a million hours of homework a night, and then I'm spending my nights not being able to sleep for my fear of serial killers/my not-so severe anxiety issues. I mean, the other day in Latin I had a panic attack. I'm pretty fucked up.

I also have developed an addiction to spider solitaire. What the hell, my life is going to shit.

Plus I'm pretty lonely- my parents are both working long hours, my sister is a hu-uge fucking bitch (getting to that), my 2 brothers are all tied up with their jobs (and one of my brothers with his wife and step-son :] ). Plus, it's not like any of my friends from elementary school give two shits about me, and my friends from my high school are in the same situation as me- all fucking tied up with school. Except two of my friends have boyfriends, go figure.

And so far, I've told 3 people from my school the kid I like at my school. They're all like BUT HE'S SHORT and I'm like BUT HE'S ADORABLE AND NICE AND WE HATE THE SAME ASSHOLES and they're like BUT HE'S SHORT. Maybe I just hang out with tall people? I don't know, but either way I know that he's just not that into me. We have like 6 classes together, including lunch, so he just isn't that into me, I guess. Although I must admit I am becoming a flirt. It's freaking ME out.

But back to my family- my sister is a huge fucking bitch and my mother is the root of all my problems.

My sister: So, last Friday, she was with my mom out shopping, and my mom was like OMGSH I TOLD RITA I WOULD PICK HER UP AFTER SCHOOL and my sister is with her and she seriously says "Does she really have to come along?" At least, this is what my mother tells me. And then when we're at Trader Joe's and stuff she's being a huge bitch to me, just yelling at me, commanding me, and acting like I'm a do-nothing who just complains about everything, when it's actually the other way around. I'm being nice and trying to be civil to her and trying to be the bigger person but no. Of fucking course not. All she does the whole time is complain about how hungry she is, and then when we do stop to eat, she won't eat it because she's a fucking self-centered bitch who can't get over problems without griping and bitching for a month. It's like she's on permanent PMS or some shit like that. Get the fuck over your ex, he was a self centered asshole NOT UNLIKE YOURSELF.

My mom: I have finally come to the realization that my mother is the root of every problem in my life. Low self-esteem? Her telling me I was fat when I was 9. Her telling me that my teeth look like shit. Her telling me that my hair looks bad. Her telling me that my face should be cleaner. My attitude towards everything? Her cynicism. Her constant negative review of the world around her. Her cursing. Her yelling. Her screaming. Her constant fucking sob story about everything. All my attitudes about everything, all my negative feelings, all my self-hatred has come from her. The reason I don't accept who I am? Her. The reason I don't legitimately like who I am? Her. Her, her, her.

And to think all this realization has come from reading a book. Huh.

But I just got the entire Lonely Island album, Incredibad. I must say, it's changed my life for the better.