detached.

by tea-boy. Sun 28 Feb 2010, 8:39 pm

I'm so detached from everything and everyone.
I don't want to get out of bed in the morning.
I don't want to go to school, but it's the only
thing that keeps me sane. I memorize, facts
an facts and facts and facts they just take
up space, less to fill with loneliness and just
all of the frustrations are piling up. I can't
sing in Zulu or Hebrew, I can't write this huge
research paper, I can't stand seeing you every
day and hearing the most angelic sounds that
come out in the form of song and knowing you
will never be mine, I can't stand knowing that
everyone is moving constantly and I'm stuck
in quicksand, I can't stand the thoughts of
nothing ever being different, I can't stand the
mirror and how much it taunts me every damn
day, I can't stand how fucking ugly I am that
people actually keep their distance, I can't
stand my poor chances of getting into a good
school, I can't stand how everyone is dying and
no one is seeing the ways they're speeding it up,
I can't stand breathing, talking, seeing, hearing,
or living another moment or I'll explode, but I do.
I continue to live even though each second is
agony because I'm scared of death and I hold
on to this one sliver of hope that maybe things
will get better, even though I know they won't.