Me, just being emo.

I didn't want to clog up the confessions board so I thought I'll just write in here.


I assume everyone just assumed that I trusted Richard and told him everything and he was my own little therapy sessions. Yes, I did trust him immensly but nowhere near enough to tell him Jack shit.
I hinted and hinted so maybe he would bring up certain things So I wouldt have to, so I guess I did trust him enough, he just didn't care enough.
Back then I had myself convinced that he loved me just has much as I love him, that if it came down to it he would go to the end of the world for me, even die for me.
I was wrong, so wrong. In his head I guess i was just work, it was his job to provide guidance or whatever for students.
And that's what I was, just another student. Someone he once knew. Someone that just got paid to sit there and pretned to care.
I guess this hurts more, knowing that I was nothing to him.
It was what two years, almost three, years ago and I'm still sitting here thinking and thinking about him. Trying to imagine what he's doing, thinking feeling right at this moment. Wondering if he ever prayed for me like he said he would. Doubtful.
Knowing that he still is the whole fucking worl to me that I would go to the end of the world for him or even die for him and he wouldn't do a single thing for me hurt.
I can't even explain it.
I know this isn't "healthy" or whatever they want to call it but o just can't let him go. He is everything.
I don't think that will ever turn into a was.
No matter how much I want it to.