Jst more emo/life stuff. withiPodautocorrectfail

Is 6:39am right now.
I haven't been to sleep yet. I haven't slept easily in a very long time, but usally I can lie here with out bursting into fuckng tears.
I can't even stand my own head anymore. Watching the l word probably doest help.
I just can't help remembering the fact that he hates me.
The last time I saw him I told him I was pansexual. Having a closed mind he immediatly said "oh, so you haven't decided?"
decided what!? Wether I'm good or bad.
In his head like so many others There is straight and gay.
And either way he looks at it, if I'm just sxperimeting or if I am "gay", in his head I've sinned. Even if i was just experimenting i'm still doing it wich in his head means I'm bad.
And I just can't stand it.
I was used to being a nobody to him, it's kind of expected, but knowing that he hates me. That he thinks I'm against everything the he beleived in. It's just heartbreaking.
I don't know I'm jus ranting on oar to avoid frying to sleep again or anything else. I just need to keep my self occupied, right?