(c) Broken Heart Broken Mind

James Euringer is indeed a real person as is Chantal and no she isn’t actually dead. This is a work of pure fiction, never happened never will.

James Euringer’s wife Chantal Claret Euringer died a year and a half ago. She had meant the world to that man and now he's stuck in the world she left behind. With the help of one of his close friends Lauren he slowly begins to get over it. When he fell for her 6 months ago he didn’t know what to do until he realized she felt the same way. But now Lauren faces the dilemma of telling him the truth in the fear of crushing him.
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Jimmy’s Point of view

I sat there by my late wife’s graveside. Chantal Claret Euringer she died suddenly of natural causes. I just remember waking up a year and a half ago to find I couldn’t wake her up. To find she was indeed dead.

I’d been distraught to begin with I still am I couldn’t take any more at one point that was until Lauren spoke to me about it. I felt better after talking about my feelings. Like naturally people would. She's such a nice person and yes I do love her one hell of a lot. Before anyone even asks we finally caved into our feelings for each other 6 months ago well just over that. Yes I count the days. Sue me.

“James?” I heard that one English and American mixed voice that made me smile every time I heard it. To me it was cute.

“Yes Lauren,” I said quietly.

“Are you ok?” I felt her hand rest on my shoulder as she spoke. I laid my hand on top of hers as she gave my shoulder a small squeeze.

“I’m fine really,” I insisted standing up as I did so.

She smiled at me, such a cute smile I couldn’t help grinning stupidly myself .She laughed slightly before she walked closer to me, looking up at me since I am after all a couple of inches bigger than her. She ruffled my hair affectionately to which I frowned before chasing her out of the cemetery and into a nearby field.

“Ok James you win,” she laughed as I pinned her down gently so I wouldn’t hurt her.

“Really?” I asked closing in the gap between my face and hers.

“Yeah now come here,” she smiled gently before pulling me further down towards her. I had been balancing on my hands so she didn’t have to support my weight on her body but after she did that I lost the balance on my hands. I landed on her who was winded as I did so. She moved a few minutes later, once I’d removed myself from on top of her.

“I’m sorry,” I said as she moulded straight into my lap. I put my arms around her.
“Its ok it was accidental, although I wouldn’t have minded what could have happened,” she stated raising a suggestive eyebrow. I looked at her confused; I didn’t fully understand what she’d just said.

“What? Oh I get it got it, I wouldn’t have minded either,” I smiled.

She giggled before she pushed me back down playfully. I frowned before trying and failing to sit back up. She had over powered me with her strength again. She never took this fact to her advantage though; she doesn’t physically hurt people without god reason too. That is very rare though.
I smiled as I pulled her gently don by her arms. I then latched my lips to hers and believe me I could have done that all day every day. Sadly though she pulled away before taking a good hard look at me. Her eyes told me she was thinking something. I didn’t enquire, it wasn’t really my business.

Lauren’s Point of view

I don’t know how to tell him. He’s a great guy and everything and I love him but only as a friend. I don’t want to crush him now he's quite content it’s not fair on James. Although I know its not fair to pretend I like him in that way to keep him happy either. It will just crush him more later. I know I just have to tell him the sooner the better. I’ll try now even if it may not be the best of times since he's all happy.

“James?” I called him by his official name or birth name as some people call it. See for some reason people call him Jimmy. Although apparently the affectionate nickname for James’ in general I don’t feel comfortable calling him it.

“Yes sweetheart?” he asked putting his arms around me, I wriggled out of his embrace.

“James,” I sighed deeply rehearsing the sentence I’d been rehearsing for so many weeks in my head.

He gave me an abrupt shake, not too harshly though. A concerned look crossed his face, “what’s wrong?” he asked.

“You James,” I blurted out, he actually looked hurt as he let his arm go limp and fall from my shoulder with a light thud.

“You mean I’m wrong for you as in you don’t love me anymore?” he asked, his eyes began watering as he spoke.

“Yeah that’s what I mean I’m sorry James,” I mumbled not daring to look at him as I spoke.

“You mean what you just said to me was a bunch of lies?” he whispered. I nodded.

“I’m sorry James,” I said.

“Didn’t the phrase “I love you” mean anything to you?” he sniffed, as he wiped his eyes which by now were pouring with tears which he’d failed to stop falling.

“It did James just for the past month it hasn’t,” I clapped a hand over my mouth after realizing what I thought I’d said in my head I’d actually said out loud.

“Well thanks at least I know where I stand now,” he snapped tears rolling down his face leaving 2 wet trails on his pale skin.

checked. chester.

Jimmy’s point of view

I couldn’t stand to look at her after that, I loved her to much. It’s a pity really that my love for her hurts me. I tried to tell myself I hate her on this walk all the way back to my flat but I failed miserablely. Of all people who could hurt me it had to be her. The one I loved too much. Another person I wanted a future with, for her to tell me she doesn’t love me. I honestly thought the feeling of love was mutual well I stand corrected I guess.

I looked up at the overcast sky and sighed, it looked how I felt. It then suddenly started to downpour and believe me it can actually suddenly rain like that. Ask any English person they’ll tell you. I remember Lauren telling me that fact when we were lying in the field near the park, just huddled together. The raindrops mixed in with my tears which then dripped of the end of my nose since my face was so wet from crying so hard and the rain itself.

“James listen to me please hear me out,” I heard Lauren’s voice behind me. However, I didn’t acknowledge she’d said anything. I even shrugged her off when she put her hand on my shoulder.

“James please!” she pleaded this time, I was actually looking at her at that point and I couldn’t no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t ignore her.

“Why should I listen? You said what you had to say, the fact still stands that you don’t love me, I’d have died for you!” I replied frustrated.

I saw her shoulders quiver as she turned away from me. I felt pity for her since I was guessing she too was crying. I opened my mouth to say something to cheer her up but not one sound came out. All I could do even though it killed me inside to do so was hold her against my chest whilst she cried. I loved that feeling of her chest against mine. Two hearts beating as one. Only now she doesn’t love me, although I still feel her heart beating against mine and I still feel love for her I feel sorrow as well. Sorrow for her since she looks like she feels guilty.

I shuddered at her touch; her touch still sent cold shivers down my spine. That scared me since I was trying to convince myself I hated her but I failed again since my love over rode that hate I was trying to conjure up. She was like a thorn in my side now, just hurting me even more than she originally had and here she was crying?

“I’m so sorry Jimmy,” she whispered into my chest. The way she’d used my affectionate nickname made my heart skip a beat. I pulled her closer to me as if I wanted to protect her even more than ever now.

“I’ll forgive you in time,” I gave a truthful reply. She shuddered against me through her sadness. My own eyes were still flooding with tears to the point where I eventually tasted salt on my lips. In my eyes she had no right to cry like this, she was the one who terminated the relationship. She was the one who terminated her feelings for me.


She nodded as if she understood, but I knew she truly didn’t. She probably got the impression I’d just have got on with my life but I couldn’t not without her. She was everything to me, she was my world and now she’s just tossed my feelings aside like they’re nothing.

She walked away from me; I heard the clacking of her shoes fade away as she eventually turned the corner and out of sight. I sank to my knees with my head in my hands and simply cried my heart out. It was like I’d lost Chantal all over again.

Jimmy’s Point of View

I sat there when I got back to my apartment. I sat there with a large bottle containing alcoholic substances in it. Its amazing how this can cause so many problems, alcohol and drugs story of my life. I gave them up a while a go because I had something worth fighting for. Now they’re both gone, one dead the other wants nothing to do with me.

I put the bottle to my lips and took a large mouthful. The burning sensation in the back of my throat was satisfactory, which lead to more and more mouthfuls. Before I then subconsciously took a small bag I’d had from a while ago. This bag was still full of white powder. I’d promised myself I’d never use it again but desperate times call for desperate measures.

Lauren’s point of view

I just sat there in my own house feeling useless. I’d just crushed a man. He always said he’d never take drugs or alcohol again to me and Chantal since apparently he had something to live for. Well now he I guess has nothing since Chantal died. What have I done? I groaned as the phone rang. It was James himself.

“Hello James,” I sighed.

“And hello to you to, you’re flying with Euringer airways I shall be your pilot for today,” he slurred whilst giggling like an immature school girl. I rolled my eyes before I spoke.

“You’re not sober are you?” I asked, knowing fully well he wasn’t.

“Like you care, why would you care?” he stated coldly.

“James,” I sighed, “I’m your friend what kind of friend would I be if I didn’t care?”

There was a click and no answer. I figured he’d hung up on me which worried me deeply, in his current state he’s a danger to himself and there's only me who’ll stop him. Its not like he knows anyone else, he has some guy called Steve who insists James’ name is Jimmy. I find the name Jimmy suitable for James; he however despises the name, although apparently when I say it, it sounds good.

Half an hour later I was at James’ apartment right outside his door. I hesitated as I put my fist nearer the door before I sighed and knocked. I heard a deep sigh and then uncoordinated shuffling in the direction of the door.

“Oh its you,” James looked at me before he opened the door wider so I could get inside, “I need to talk to you anyway,” he stated.

I raised an eyebrow in his direction before I linked my arm with his purely to guide him to his own sofa so he didn’t injure himself. He frowned at me but didn’t say a word as he looked at the table in front of him like a child who’d just been scolded by his parents.

“James,” I said softly. He looked at me, I swallowed hard and continued, “It may not be the best time to ask but are you coping? With your late wife’s death?”

“What do you think you are a psychologist? My mother?” he asked coldly.

“No I was just wondering,” I said a little intimidated since he was now gripping a bottle so tightly his knuckles were turning white.

He then collapsed across my lap in floods of tears, I was expecting for him to scream and shout some more but he didn’t he just cried. He cried whilst holding onto me like a helpless baby monkey would its mother. I shifted uncomfortably but wrapped my arms around him in a comforting fashion anyway.

“James, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to upset you like that, please don’t cry,” I rocked him back and forth since this technique usually calmed him down.

He sniffed before looking up at me, his tricolour eyes which consisted of green, blue and brown stared at me. Almost as if he was longing for something, I didn’t know what nor at this point whilst he was in this state did I wish to know.

“Lauren I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you not love me I need you don’t you get it? I n….. n…… need you,” I saw the hope leave his eyes as he said that.

“James do you even realize what you’re saying right now?” I questioned, he nodded.

I sat there in deep thought for no more than ten minutes; my thoughts were disrupted by James’ faint snoring. I tilted his head so he wouldn’t choke on his own vomit.
I’d made my decision; I can’t date him again and fake love. I have to look after him. Sometimes I do wonder what’s wrong with me.

I watched him all night that night. I refused for my eyes to close for his sake I have to look after him whether he likes it or not. Even if he rejects my help I’ll still help him without him knowing, I’ll help him in subtle ways. I started singing softly to myself whilst rocking James back and forth like a baby, a baby I must protect no matter what.

And I've been waiting for the sun
With my wide eyes
I've seen worlds that don't belong
My mouth is dry with words I cannot verbalize
Tell me why we live like this

Keep me safe inside
Your arms like towers
Tower over me

Yeah
Cause we are broken
What must we do to restore
Our innocence
And oh, the promise we adored
Give us life again cause we just wanna be whole

Lock the doors
Cause I like to capture this voice
it came to me tonight
So everyone will have a choice
And under red lights
I'll show myself it wasn't forged
We're at war
We live like this

Keep me safe inside
Your arms like towers
Tower over me

Cause we are broken
What must we do to restore
Our innocence
And oh, the promise we adored
Give us life again cause we just wanna be whole

Tower over me
Tower over me

And I'll take the truth at any cost

Cause we are broken
What must we do to restore
Our innocence
And oh, the promise we adored
Give us life again cause we just wanna be whole.

I then felt James move in my arms, I saw his eyes flicker a few times before they opened. I smiled as he stretched his arms out barely missing my face. I laughed to myself as he did so, to which he frowned.

“Ok what happened to you?” he enquired. He then noticed his jeans were missing, they had been since I arrived; “we didn’t did we?”

I shook my head before I spoke, “no James they were off since I arrived,” I raised an eyebrow in his direction. He ran around the living room looking for some form of trousers whilst asking me questions.

“Would you like coffee or something?” he asked. I shook my head before I myself got up and went into his kitchen. I then opened his cupboard pretty sure he wouldn’t mind and took the aspirin out. James joined me a couple of minutes later at least half dressed. His bare was white in complexion and he was shivering, he looked at the aspirin and then to me.

“Do I do your head in that much?” he gave a small smile to show he was joking as he spoke.

“Nope these are for you I figured after all that alcohol you drank last night you’d need them,” I answered, he took hold of my face and studied it carefully.

“You’ve been up all night for me haven’t you?” he asked.

“So what if I have?” I shot back. He then threw his arms around me, again a reaction I hadn’t expected. I returned his hug.

“I honestly don’t know what I’d do without you,” he said.

“Die through choking on your own vomit?” I suggested.

“Please don’t mention that it’s bad enough I already feel like I’m going to,” he gasped before he did promptly threw up in his own sink. All I could do was cringe whilst rubbing circles into his back.

It took all of around 15 minutes of him continuously throwing up before he actually felt even a little bit better. I rubbed his back even more after that, feeling great pity for the man.

“I love you even more now” he thanked me for some unknown reason.

“I know now are you feeling better to get back to bed or not?” I asked impatiently.

“I was never in a bed,” he retorted.

“You failed,” I smirked.
“At what?” he asked puzzled.

“Being a smart arse,” I said whilst checking my nails.

“Well I’m sorry that I’m not as smart as you are, and I have to use your brain to work things out,” he retorted.

“I’m liking this praise keep it coming,” I laughed.

“Don’t try to be modest here,” he shot back at me.

“I’m not,” I laughed.

“What is with your ego?” he asked.
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