Apollonian & Dionysian

by proust. Tue 11 Nov 2008, 11:43 pm

it is certain now, there is something very wrong with me. at the innocent age of sixteen, I have all kinds of unorthodox preoccupations like good literature and ancient religions, I put all sorts of questions I shouldn't put and wonder about all the things I really shouldn't wonder about.
I have no idea how most of my favorite musicians look or act, I sincerely could care less about social status, I'm considering quiting school and just reading and sleeping all day for the rest of my life, and I'm even starting to shake off the angsty teen look - depression is futile save for when it's a book subject.
I don't do it to be "indie", it just feels like the right thing to do. I feel like an alien among most people. I have lost all the social skills I never had since the only thing I can talk about nowadays are books or things I've read in books or things that I'd want to read about in books. It feels as though I speak a completely different language than most people, and despite being "envied" in a curious way for my grades and sophisticated answers, I am starting to seriously consider quitting books for good and trying to lead a "normal" life. or at least a Dionysian one.

because reading novels all day and then pretending to be literate is not as much fun as it sounds.
it's very much like being from an other planet.
or having a strange disease, maybe being mentally retarded.

oh, cool, cool. I was just talking about shaking off the angst.

Truth is, as I watch both confessions threads sometimes - I do remember the times when I read all the posts- and get shocked at how little I can relate to anything and anyone. and how little I miss constant human contact. I think that only the people who tell me I'm smart scare me more. but enough with the bragging. I'm really silly. extremely, that was the point of this journal.

I will go back to my deliciously fancy book, King's Men by Filip Florian [and yes, yes you can't find an English translation of it] that dares to tell the story of a brave young lieutenant named Karl Eitel Friedrich Zephyrinus Ludwig de Hohenzollern-Sigmaringen who dared to accept to crown of a tiny newly-formed Balkan country in 1866, of his German dentist and most important of the dentist's tomcat Siegfried.

-shakes head-
there is definitely something very wrong with me.
-shrug-
or maybe, it's just angst induced by the emptysaddepressing books topic on mibba.

though I'm not sad, just a bit disappointed in myself. almost a year ago I thought my opinions were so different from everyone else's because of obsessive-compulsive personality disorder, but I've spend the last three or four months convincing myself that considering a disease with ridiculously long name a good excuse for being lame is rather pathetic, and attention seeking for that matter. plus if it's a personality disorder you can't do anything about it anyway. just like to yourself that you don't have it.

p.s. have you noticed that in most ancient Greek statues, gods look more like young girls than men unless they have really long beards -and even then.
hmmmm

by lyrical_mess Sat 15 Nov 2008, 11:28 pm

Greeks used to objectify men. Because they just pwned like that.

And I get that there's pressure to be "normal" but lamron si gnirob. Books own. Quitting books is like...*shudders*.

You sound wicked cool, btw.

by proust. Tue 18 Nov 2008, 2:07 am

someone actually commented.
this scares me almost as much as male Greek statues. you have pleased him

I like to believe no-one actually reads my journals/stories. because I just do.

haha, I just realized that this reminds me of Martin Page's How I Became Stupid and that book really annoyed me so yeah, I guess I'm just trying to sound more interesting than I am. >_>

You're wicked cool yourself, to say the least.

by lyrical_mess Wed 19 Nov 2008, 12:32 am

omg. *is wicked cool*

i like your location. 143 = i love you. or i hate you, now that i think about it.

your name on the other hand, angers me slightly. because i've read metamorphasis waaaay too many times for it to be considered healthy. and not of my own will. -_-

by proust. Wed 19 Nov 2008, 12:59 am

metamorphosis is just
yeah.

I convinced my whole universal literature class read it. well HELLO!

and we're still discussing it, it's cool.

although, I can agree that the rest of Kafka's works are not as ... interesting? to read. I've tried to read both the Castle and Amerika and found them, rather dull. I did read some of Kafka's short-stories and they were readable and enjoyable to say the least. I guess I just like to identify myself with Kafka because he's the prototype of struggling tortured artist. Like Emily Dickinson or Edgar Allen Poe, only much much much cooler and indie. and pretending to be a tortured artist in itself makes you cool.
gtfo over yourself,

by lyrical_mess Wed 19 Nov 2008, 1:08 am

I don't want to read anything else by him. The story was cool like, the first three times I read it. By the time I started writing my World Lit. essay, I wanted to die. I wanted to turn into a vermin myself and just DIE.