today.

today i had an epiphany that i want to write down because i don't want to ever forget it.

but first, background on the subject.

of late - i'm stressed. too stressed. stressed-like-whoa stressed. i check my grades online every chance i get because i'm paranoid they might suddenly drop. i have weird dreams that disturb that whole thing where when you sleep, you're supposed to be rested (yeah last night i dreamed i was running around knifing people). i'm dieting to try and become a lightweight in rowing and because of it, i keep having these HUGE cravings for anything (right now i'm convinced my moisturizer smells like girl scout cookies), and i'm also more tired than usual - which leads to the ever wonderful perpetual bad mood.

yeah um. i had a breakdown in my kitchen this morning. full on bawling because i was running literally two minutes behind schedule, and i ripped part of the paper bag i was putting my lunch into (legit guys i ripped it maybe half an inch, on the top). my dad was like "...wut? don't cry? are you pmsing? *hugs*"

also, it just so happens that i'm completely blessed with one of the worst days at crew. ever. in the history of the sport. it was TERRIBLE. just simply terrible. riggers broke, rowers broke, coxswains felt sick so we had a broken rower cox our broken boat. we nearly killed some people etc etc etc. it was just fantastic. oh and we went slower than a fucking snail.

so it's really only natural to change one's facebook status to "fuck my life" once i get home, you would agree.

it's also apparently natural to get these comments about six minutes after posting (keep in mind these are all girls from crew, and i don't really know ali that well. ok. at all.)

ryann: duh
blazer: this is nonsense. I LOVE YOU. cheer up. NOW. kthanks.
ali: cheer up!!!
katie: ...buttercup
blazer: good god i love our team.
ryann: well...duh
ali: haha excelllent


whatever.
the point of this is not that i got nice pretty facebook comments.
it's that i also got an honesty box message that made my face light up like omg. and a text from my friend helping me with homework even though i didn't ask. and a lot of pity from my dad this morning even if he was totally confused as to why i was sobbing over a paper bag.

and it's not that these things happen to *me*. it's that when times are hard or circumstances suck or we feel down, there's always something or someone that will eventually prop you up. being "okay" and "happy" takes effort, but the effort doesn't just come from one person - even though most of it does.


so since i've had this weird day that's like...the best worst day i've ever had, i hope this makes you smile. whoever you are.

I'm sorry your day was so crappy Marlee. There's always tomorrow.
I now realize that sounds ultra cheesy. -_-
So let's go with things'll be alright in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end.