last night was the worst in a while.

i don't know where to start.

dru had to talk me out of killing myself three times in one night.
that's the most she's ever done for me like that in one day.

i cried so hard my face hurt when i went to bed.
i prayed so hard last night that i fell asleep still mumbling the things i had before.
my nose is rubbed raw from my jacket sleeve.
my eyes look so red it's not even funny.
my lips are raw from tears and snot and me rubbing them.
my nails are all bitten down.

and i thought i was out of of tears until i woke up this morning.

and really, it's almost funny.
i can't believe i let anyone tell me that he gave a shit.
i can't believe i let anyone tell me that he was talking about me.
i can't believe i thought for one single second that he needed me.

"i need something to believe in, a breath from the breathing. so write it down, i don't think that i'll close my eyes. cause lately i'm not sleeping, so what's the point in dreaming? it's just that at night i've got nowhere to hide. to the sleepless this is my reply: i will write you a lullaby."