Never anything good. 10.28.2008

I never have anything good to write about. I hate this. I hate writing depressing loads of tripe all the bloody time.

I'm probably moving soon, as I've been talking about for, actually, quite a while. I wasn't for certain if I was going to go 100% or not. Admittedly, I had my doubts and my worries. But I like to give the benefit of the doubt. Maybe I'm just a glutton for punishment, I don't know.

I moved to my dad's two years ago now, because my mum became uncontrollable and violent. I couldn't live with that anymore. She has a lot of problems and I try not to hold that against her, I really try not to. But sometimes it's so hard because I feel so defeated and pushed around. Every day is a struggle and a challenge with my emotions and my feelings. And in truth, some days I just don't see the point in going on. Because I don't see a viable future. It's so hard to see the good in anything.

I thought maybe she'd changed. As I've figured so many times and I agreed to move with her to help her out. But she's acting out just the same as before. This makes me so sad to see her like this. I just want the woman back that I knew 15 years ago. Is that so much to ask for?

I don't really wanna go.