Number 2. Warning, it's automatic writing guys.

by P R I N C E S S Mon 02 Mar 2009, 4:27 pm

Tell me I'm better than this. This pathetic, constantly sobbing mess that I have become because of you. Everytime someone asks, 'are you okay' 'do you want me to ring' or even when they do ring, it's all 'I'm fine' 'no I'm good at the moment' 'Yeah we are still friends so its working alright'. Lies. I'm not fine. I'm not coping. Mikey (not iar mikey) facebook PMed me today, asked me about crying at school, if I wanted to talk about it. I told him it was nothing, just me being over dramatic again. You wouldn't have done that. It would have been 'clingy Emma who can't get over my was sooking again'. And Maybe that's what it is. I know you and Lucy laugh about it enough. I nearly died that time I walked to pick you up from drama and walked in on you and Daisy bitching about me to your teacher. Your teacher who I barely know that you told I was a lesbian, thankyou. You still call me baby. I'm not sure if I love it, or hate it. Love it I think. Hate it because it's bad for me. Love it because I need it, not want, need. It's so hard to hear that you like spending time with him more than me. That 'it's over, deal with it'. Like seriously I have no idea what I must have done to make you not care so much, to make you move on so quick. I mean I knew that you liked him, you told me that much. But you said it only went on for a couple of weeks whilst you were with me. A couple of weeks is enough to outdo over a year and a half of dating? Wow. People always told me that I loved you more, that I could do better, that I didn't deserve this. But I always defended you. No you loved me. No we were perfect together. No I made her happy and she made me happy. She loves me, she really does. I'm not sure if I doubt that or not now. I know you did. At some point, but I think it disappeared a while ago, longer ago that I am willing to admit yet. idk idk. I don't know anything anymore. I don't know if I can trust you, but I don't know if I can not trust you. I don't know if you're lying to me like you did about liking him when we were together. I don't know if you're telling him things I say. I don't know if you even want to be my friend anymore or if you're just doing it to keep me somewhat happy. I don't know when you like spending time with me, or if you just do it out of habbit, or worse because you feel obligated. Don't. I can't tell where I stand with you. One minute you're like I miss you babe. I love you. The next your like I just don't want to talk to you, I like him okay. And the next you kissing me. It's not normal to be like that, you need to go back to your psych. You need to figure out your head. Because I am having so much trouble with mine and I think you're ups and downs are making it harder. Like sometimes I am mildly okay. I deal with it. On Friday night I was okay. Best Friends sounded alright to me. Tonight I think it's complete bullshit. You see your problem is, when you date someone you dedicate to them to much, you spent alot of time with me. But now I think you have gone to far with him. If you dedicate to going somewhere with a friend, or even a 'best friend' you don't pull out a few days later because 'it' asked you over. You just don't, that's common curtsey to the friend. Not just because it's me, I would do that for any of my friends. It's fucked up and selfish. You're always so overly critical of me (and don't say you're not 'that red nail polish is so tacky', 'your red hair looked trashy', 'you aren't going to coe first in E2, your not smart enough', 'brown hair looks gross, dont't bleach you're hair blonde or I'll leave you'. Yes you told me I was beautiful. But you always wondered why I had such a hard time believeing you. Don't beso critical at other times. I don't deal well. Like yeah sure have your opinions, but be nice about them. How about, baby I don't think blonde would suit you? Maybe? Rational. wtf I know right? Treat others as you wish to be treated. Like I do, why do you thin I offer to help you with you're extension English essays all the time? *sigh* Man this is shitty and long. I think I just needed to vent. I'm not used to being number 2. I liked being special. I liked 'us' things. But now if you are giving them all to him idk what I like. I liked going to the gym today. I don't know how I feel about seeing you there. I thought it would be all right. It was, I guess. Yeah, I didn't mind. I would probably even like going with you, if you want to still. If you don't be to critical. Yeah lets do that. I guess I just need that list, I need to know where I stand. Exactly. How you feel exactly. I need to know why caling me baby and having sex is okay, but missing you and asuming you would come places with me when you say you would isn't. Explain it to me before I explode my brain and lose control. Fuck I need to hurt myself. Bye... uh sorry fr the rambling, I needed it.

by ChemicallyImbalanced Mon 02 Mar 2009, 5:14 pm

Emma, PM me.
Please.
I need to know you're okay. Number 2. Warning, it's automatic writing guys. 203854

Number 2. Warning, it's automatic writing guys.

Number 2. Warning, it's automatic writing guys.

Re: Number 2. Warning, it's automatic writing guys.